I occasionally flip through House Beautiful at the grocery store check-out line.

This pretty much sums up the interest I have in home decorating magazines. While I’m too cheap to buy the magazine, I am interested in the outrageous sums of money some people are willing to spend on what other people think their home should look and feel like.

Plus, sometimes I like the cushions.

I know, I know… thumbing through “Chi-Chi ‘R Us” can be a helpful past-time when you’re in the market for new ideas.  For my money — which I don’t actually spend (see above)–the most useful articles peel back the mysteries of how to take what you’ve already got, donate some to Goodwill, re-arrange what remains, and end up with twice the square footage. Now this… this is helpful.

But in principle, I find the concept of “get a decorator in to make the place look good while we’re gone” puzzling. Who knows better than you what kind of space and stuff you want to welcome you back home after a hard day of work, errands, and grocery shopping? The whole idea is counter-intuitive, since one of the things I love most about my home is that when I step back in to it, it reminds me of who I am.

If it’s been a couple of weeks since either of us has vacuumed, this can actually be a bit disturbing.

You may wonder why I feel so strongly about the subject.

Once upon a time, I had to move all the furniture from the main floor into the garage while some hardwood floor refinishers did their thing. Before the project began, the contractor sent over a decorator to consult on the stain color. Unprompted, she did a 2-minute sweep through the house, turned abruptly on her heel, and recommended that at the end of the project, we only bring back in from the garage what we were planning to keep.

“Like, you might be able to use that chair.”

Blink, blink. Silence.

“Although you might want to start from scratch. I could help you put together a really great look for this space.”

Bye, bye, decorator.