Category Archives: Photography

Fashion on Parade

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There I was, minding my own Fourth of July parade business, snapping photos of monster trucks and juggling pirates on the village insurance guy’s float when I saw him.

He couldn’t wait to see what was coming next, but as a law abiding citizen, he wouldn’t step out into traffic to see, preferring to keep his feet planted and lean into it instead.

That’s why I zeroed in on his feet… and those shoes.

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In case the significance of this fashion statement might elude you, let’s review a little basic parenting math, okay?

1). By law, you must feed your children.

2). When children are fed, they grow.

3). Children’s feet grow faster than any other part of their body.

This means that this little guy didn’t save these puppies to wear, year after year, in the American celebration of Independence Day. These were, most likely, the shoes he wore last week to Billy’s house and will wear three weeks from now to Gramma’s, except maybe he’ll put socks on.

They’re just his shoes, as in “… Jared, we’re going to be late for church, AGAIN!  WHERE ARE YOUR DANG SHOES??!”

Jared’s shoes: red, white and blue, spangled with stars and covered in post-modern stripes.

Now, I’m not from around here, so no doubt you know better, but this strikes me as an astoundingly patriotic fashion choice.

I took a second look around the crowd.

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The children of Idaho demonstrate the most remarkable “haute couture de Americana” fashion sense of any ankle-biters I have seen across This Great Nation. These little goobers were the most profound proof I’ve seen yet that I have chosen to live in a land of the Free and a home of the Brave.

Plus, they can make a hat brim out of darned near anything.

Not that they all sling ’em low and/or locked. Any jaunty angle, if worn with confidence, will do.

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Wouldn’t you love to share the paint station in kindergarten with this little charmer? I’ll bet she can and would flick paint at the class nose-picker without a moment’s hesitation.

She looks like the pint-sized Idaho version of my mom.

I loved her. I loved her saucy sweet face, the flags (she had one in each hand and was shaking them like maracas in time to the high-school marching band), her hat, and baby… those beads….

Of course, accessory confidence and flag skills weren’t isolated to the girls next door.

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The handsome tater tots were just as expressive in their flamboyant fashion sensibilities.
And, as in all communities, there was a wide range of tastes in evidence. Some were satisfied with a more refined approach.

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This elegant red-white-and-blue ensemble, set off with a modest yet decidedly “there” map motif and single strand of beads, was representative of the more demure side of the street. Simple, understated, yet bold enough to eschew a hat altogether in the hot July sun….

Again, check the shoes.

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I almost mommy-bit those wee calves. I didn’t, though. I could see he was struggling.

A flotilla of bead-tossin’ beauty queens had driven past and his well-meaning older sister had snagged and re-gifted unto him two additional sets of beads.

Not all gifts are warmly received.

Personal fashion sense will always have the final word, and this dude was definitely not a triple-strand kinda guy. However, when the necklaces are longer than your arms, plus you have a candy as big as your fist in one hand, paring down can be tough going.

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Of course, there will always be a place in the world for women of big hats.

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With this kind of flair, there will be no sun damage in this punkin’s future.

And, there will always be beach blondes with mothers who understand the value of a good set of scrunchies and bows.

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When was the last time I wore a scrunchie? I used to love the big fat ones. I don’t recall ever sporting patriotic ribbonage though. Not my fault. Not my mother’s fault. It’s just not the Canadian way. We feel somehow it’s slightly unpatriotic to be overly patriotic.

I do, however, respect and admire the unabashed American-ness of American pride.

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And in about eight years or so, when this little sweetie has traded in her Fourth of July head gear for the flippy skirt and pom-poms of the high school cheer leading squad, I plan to be among the admiring crowd cheering her on from the sidelines.

You’ll recognize me easily enough. I’ll be the one wearing red, white, and blue.

Brace Yourself

Some people say I’m a good photographer. I’m not. I’m naughty.

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Take this couple, for example.

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I couldn’t resist her hair. I have known and loved a standard poodle who sported the same coiffure,so I felt an odd affection for the old dear. But that hair had nothin’ on his fashion choices.

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Maybe the old guy just runs hot. This would explain the Vent-O-Max ball cap and jaunty angle. Maybe he struggles with Teeny Head Syndrome and needs to compensate. Perhaps that would also explain her hair. Maybe they’ve been engaged in a silent “my head’s bigger than your head” war for half a century. At this point, it’s hard to say who’s winning.

However, nothing, I repeat, nothing explains this.

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I had no idea that the peek-a-boo suspender th(i)ng existed, much less that they were a fashion accessory of choice for men of a discerning taste in Winnamuca, Nevada.

I will confess to a morbid fascination watching him shift in his seat as he bore down on his double cheese gorditas.  (Talk about thinking outside the buns!) Would that belt loop hold? It was like watching an elephant attempt a bungee jump. You just know that no matter how good an industrial design might be, if a device is strained light-years beyond it’s intended use, sooner or later, it’s gonna blow.

I couldn’t look away.

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Oops. Time to look away.

Beauty Tortureware

I poked myself in the eye yesterday with my mascara wand.

While not a “sign me up!” experience, it did remind me that I need to out the female tortureware industry. If you’re reading this without text-to-voice assistance, chances are high that you haven’t yet encountered Exhibit A.

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Exhibit A.

What?! It’s just an innocent little fold out comb thingy. I recognized it while still in the impenetrable plastic packaging. Like many others (and you know who you are), in the ’80s I sported the obligatory spiral perm. The wide-tooth comb folded up nicely into your purse and didn’t turn your (mostly) spirals into straw. At the highest level of consumer familiarity, I was sold.

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Plus, it was from a highly reputable company. I love my Tweezerman tweezers. The day my eyebrows got hormonal and decided they wanted to grow out of my chin, Mr. Tweezerman and I got very tight.

And what’s not to like about an “i” anything, especially when it actually translates to an “eye” something?

My only defense is that it was a good company promising to help comb out my lashes into pristine wide-eyed loveliness during the post-gummy mascara application stage.

I bought one.

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The instructions said that immediately after applying mascara, one should carefully place the comb AT THE BASE OF ONE’S EYELASHES while the mascara was still wet and brush out to the tips.

I want baby-clean extendo-lashes just like the next girl, so I tried it.

Once.

I had no idea my hands shake a teeny bit first thing in the morning.

Also, I had not previously known that I was willing to voluntarily place THIRTY pointy barbs, clustered in ONE INCH, within a literal hair’s width of my eyeball before I had even had a second cup of coffee.  Hell, my eyes are barely even open then.

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Let history show that on the rare occasion, I don’t have to  permanently and irrevocably wound myself before realizing  that, statistically speaking, I was going to really hurt myself, soon.

Let me be clear: the product works as advertised. I had one eye’s worth of incredibly believable “two-year old natural” eyelashes.

Fortunately, I had the sense to let the other eye muddle its way through the day in a resigned declaration of “… yes, I do wear mascara that has glued every second eyelash together.”

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I love macro photography. Without it, I would probably have not realized that Mr. Tweezerman already knows the dangers inherent in this little beauty futzer. Why else would they have advertised the country of manufacture or the proud fact that this sucker is under patent… in beginner braille?

And Tammy… yup. Let’s all just step away from those eye-lash curlers.

Welcome!

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We’re hoping we can make some money on this someday. Of course, right now we don’t have a freakin’ clue what that would look like.

That’s not the sort of disclosure that builds credibility, I know, but we don’t care.  Life is good, and it’s such fun to chronicle it. Even if this remains merely a robust personal journal that we can share with friends and family, and for ourselves down the road, it still beats scrapbooking or stamp collecting as a hobby.

Feel free to poke around the site: our home is yours. Just leave the half bottle of zinfandel that’s in the fridge. Rick needs to cook with it tonight.

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(Gosh… that was a pretty darn presidential sentence. I should run in 2012. )