iAte Fake Food

November 8, 2012 · 10 comments

In our defense, when a truck stop in northern Oregon is your only option for a nineth* seventh-inning stretch on a stinkin’ hot afternoon after already spending eight hours in the car with another two ahead, your brain craves pleasure and/or distraction, preferably on the chilly side.

While momentarily distracting, there was very little pleasure involved here, other than the booby-prize of noticing what a deliciously ridiculous example this was of the “food product” industry that currently crowds out the actual food from our shopping aisles and truck stops.

And notice, dear reader, that this “snap” was taken before Rick and I polished off the whole damn thing, fully aware that we were chowing down on an artificially flavored vanilla frozen dairy dessert bar with chocolatey coating… and yes, king size me baby!

I’m not proud of this. Does it help that we shared it?

We resolved to do better when we got back to our own beloved pots and pantry. We would embrace kale and quinoa and bean dishes made from scratch. And we did, learning many wonderful new things about previously unexplored regions in the world of real food.

For instance, there’s a good reason why you want to soak and then boil the bejeepers out of beans before you add them to a dish.

My theory is that the white stuff is a “pre-flatulence product,” conveniently shaped to slide neatly into your colon, from whence it wages a vigorous battle with your social life. In terms of flavor, appearance, and nutrition, it’s roughly on par with the previously mentioned “food product.” My advice: don’t eat “products.”

Mindful that we have some sensitive souls and night owls among our readership, or maybe some of you haven’t had breakfast yet, let me leave you with a more comforting and appetizing image.

Witness this morning’s sourdough spelt loaf, although I’m pretty sure at least a few of you will scroll back up for a second look at The Stuff.

*Update, Nov. 30, 2012.
I’m a little disappointed that none of my baseball-loving readers alerted me to my error in thinking that the seventh-inning stretch was a ninth-inning stretch. Seriously, I can’t do this alone, people.


{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Katherine Ernst November 11, 2012 at 8:24 am

Hello Kathy,
I often wonder what trick of the brain makes us go off the rails when we know better and Madison Ave.has won again. After a lengthy period of eating healthy,buying direct from the farm( lucky us to live close by a local farm),
suddenly turn around and scarf down something sugary and unhealthy,that will attach itself to ones waist and hips.One of life’s little mysteries.As for fake food, we realized after an extended stay in Italy, how much our grocery stores were filled with tasteless vegetables and changed our buying habits and menus and in season when possible and chose to purchase from a direct source. A revolt against corporate food farms inflicted on uninformed population.


rickandkathy November 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Amen, Katherine! We now are in the camp of preferring to eat eggs when we know the chickens by name.


Debra November 9, 2012 at 5:13 pm

…and it does help that you “shared” with Rick. 😉


rickandkathy November 9, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Thank you. This makes me feel better.


Gail Gauvin November 8, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Great post! When I see a label that adds a “y” to the end of that revered word, “Chocolate,” it makes me very nervous… But I do love home cooked beans done right, with the evil coaxed out of them (speaking of evil, the picture reminds me of something from Ghostbusters!)


rickandkathy November 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

That added “y” is one of Madison Avenue’s nastier tricks, if you ask me.


Charlie November 8, 2012 at 8:53 pm

so happy to have the nightly happy moment of reading the blog……didn’t realize how much I had been missing your musings – the week has been astronomically brighter – iEnjoy!!!!


rickandkathy November 9, 2012 at 9:46 am

Thanks, Charlie! It’s delightful to know that we’re one of the things people do at night that make them happy. 🙂


Sandi Fentiman November 8, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Well, I would rather take the bread of life than the cool whip crap (the bean crud) any day thank you. 😀 You gotta do what you gotta on the road.


rickandkathy November 9, 2012 at 10:50 am

Amen, Sandi!


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