Accessorize Or Go Home

November 12, 2013 · 1 comment

Lily, the Head Beautician on the mobile beauty circuit, likes to make An Entry on her Saturday afternoon rounds.

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What’s the beauty business without a little sizzle, a chauffeur (Steve), and a red carpet bucket of oats?

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To these Black Clydesdales, the throttle of Steve’s ATV is like the bells of the Good Humour man to a sugar-starved six-year old.

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They want It.

They want the new beauty “It,” and they want it bad.

They may not be entirely sure what “It” is, but whatever It is, Lily always has It, and she rounds ’em up and heads ’em in towards It.

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(Scoop!) Lily has recently declared that Everyone who is Anyone is all about accessorized bangs.

Accessorize Or Go Home-5“Don’t mention this,” the big one with the white face confided later, “but I like how Lily’s new Stickerettes keep my hair out of my eyes: it allows my admirers to soak in the beauty of my enhanced eyelashes. They’re natural, you know. Last season, Lily was all about enhanced natural beauty, but now it’s Stickerettes, 24/7.  That’s the fickle nature of the beauty business, I suppose. Hems go up, hems go down, hems go out and shake it all around.”

(Black Clydesdales are very poetic.)

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“Excuse me. Just a moment here. Are you a reporter? May I have a word with the reporter, ALONE, please?”

“This whole Stickerettes business was so NOT Lily’s idea. I spend one week in a Jamaican all-inclusive, come home all tall and tanned and big and lovely with one simple string of sticker beads in my mane as a memento of my trip, and the whole stinkin’ Valley goes Lady GaGa over hair accessories!”

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“Look. I still have the trend-starting evidence.

Sheesh. Lily is such an opportunistic idea thief. Of course, anyone who can afford a chauffeur is naturally all over The Big Business Plan that venture capitalists just jump on.

Bitch.”

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“Hey! What you fail to appreciate, girlfriend, is the whole dreadlock/country shabby chic spin on the trend that Lily brought to the scene.

Come on… give creative credit where creative credit is due.”

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“Did I get them in right? I can never make my hair look the way it does at the salon.”

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“Clydesdales.

Bless their hearts.

They’re such simple, simple things, artistically speaking.”

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“Still… they aren’t shy about buying a little something for themselves now and then.

Bless their hearts.

Did I mention I have a chauffeur?”

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“Cough, cough.”

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“Pssst. Yes. Over here.”

See my status-busting set of bang sticker beads? Wanna know a secret?

Accessorize Or Go Home-16Lily doesn’t have the sticker bead market cornered. I have my very own manufacturing plant that I’ve been fertilizing for months now, ever since Sistah Rastah came back from her vacation with her Big Bang fashion news.

I even have my own clientele I’m grooming in the fashion bidness.

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That noisy punk across the street with the poodle perm? He’s already a complete sticker bead junky. He refuses to be seen in public without at least some sticker junk in his trunk.

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Ha! I’m a cross-species biz whiz. Lily’s gonna get her knickers in a twist when she realizes I’ve poodle punked her.

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Ha! Get it? Poodle punked?

I crack myself up. I really do.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Debra November 12, 2013 at 11:39 am

Hilarious post! Love it!

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